Alcoholics and addicts are extremely good at “Playing the victim.” We are never wrong, everyone else is and we are always the one effected. We drink and use because people make us do it. Our lives are in the toilet because of others and their actions. We are famous for saying things like, “If you had my life, you’d drink / use to OR If it weren’t for him or her, my life would be just fine.” We pass the blame the way teachers pass on knowledge. The sad part is, as unrealistic as it all is, we actually believe our own garbage.
It is much easier for us to wallow in our own self pity and blame the world for our problems than it is to take responsibility for our own actions. As long as we’re the victim, our drinking and using is justified if only in our twisted minds. We surround ourselves with excuses rather than actual facts and can justify absolutely any situation. Those unrealistic excuses become are very real to us making it easy to believe every lie that comes out of our mouths.
Playing the victim allows us to remain in denial and as long as we do that, the chances of getting clean and sober are nil. Being a Binge drinker and a Blackout drunk made it extremely easy for my brain to process and believe my own crap. “I don’t drink every day, therefore I couldn’t possibly have a problem, If I don’t remember it, than it didn’t happen, If people would stop pissing me off, than I wouldn’t drink.” OMG the list can go on and on. Looking back at it all with a sober mind makes me realize how incredibly insane I was. Even when I knew I was wrong, it was extremely easy for me to pass the buck and play the victim. We become quite experts at it.
In order for recovery to work, we MUST do some serious soul searching and be rigerously honest with ourselves. That isn’t always an easy task. Once the walls start to come down, we’re faced with the reality that most (not necessarily all) of our situations, downfalls and screw ups were of our own doing. It is very difficult to face the fact that we aren’t victims after all, and it’s even more difficult to face the fact that “we” are the direct cause of all our turmoil. Our first instinct is denial. We couldn’t possibly be the cause of all the turmoil. But if you are serious and open minded about your recovery and you have the willingness to continue moving forward rather than back, than you will finally get to the place of acceptance. Once you accept your problem as being “your” problem, the healing can begin. You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. Remaining in the “poor me” place in our brains is equivalent to dancing with the Devil and still wondering why you’re in hell. Facing those demons my be uncomfortable, embarrassing and even painful, but it will also ensure an inner peace you never knew was possible.
You can blame others for your actions if you want to, but the truth of the matter is, we are our own worst enemies. Unless you become WILLING to see things for what they actually are, rather than what you think they are or what you want them to be, you will self destruct in time.
AJ Menendez, Master Male Illusionist