Pink Cloud??? What the hell is that??? In recovery that is a common phrase. When we are knee deep in our addictions we physically and mentally feel wiped out. We have no desire to do anything but feed our addictions, we find no joy in anything life has to offer and deep down we’re almost always broken. While in active addiction we “exist” in life but seldom do we live,
Between a few weeks to a few months into early recovery, we start to actually feel alive for the first time. Our chance of addiction have been broken and we are beginning to wonder out into the world. We are experiencing clarity, we are physically feeling fit and we start to see the world in a whole new light. It’s as if we are floating on a cloud. Riding on the pink cloud is truly an amazing feeling, however, it can be dangerous as well. Why? Because we are still fairly early in recovery, therefore we haven’t gotten the full tools to control our train of thought. We start to feel better and we sometimes begin to think “I feel better, the worst is over, I could probably handle just one and control it now.” There are two problems with that. The FIRST problem is that you’re “thinking” Left to our own device, we’re all doomed. It was our best thinking that put us here in the first place. Secondly, as an alcoholic or addict, we can NEVER have just one or control our addiction.
Another danger about staying on that Pink Cloud is that we tend to believe our recovery is over now that we feel alive. THAT ladies and gentlemen is a HUGE mistake. It is important to continue the recovery process. There is no completion of the recovery process, it’s life long. There is no graduation or diploma. The amazing feelings that we experience can only continue IF we continue to work on our recovery one day at a time, EVERY DAY.
I hit my Pink Cloud about six weeks into my recovery. It was as if someone took the shock paddles to me and brought me to life. That’s the only way I can describe it really. I felt all the feelings and had all the thoughts that I mentioned earlier but I took it one step further. I found myself feeling so good I wanted to save the world, I wanted to shout recovery out from the roof tops. I must have wore out everyone who would listen to me. I wanted to bask in the feeling and never come down off the cloud which put me in danger of staying stuck in my recovery. I didn’t feel the need to move forward, I wanted to stay right where I was.
As amazing as that feeling is we can’t ride that Pink Cloud for long. It stunts us from progression. If we allow ourselves to stay stuck on that Pink Cloud for too long, it starts to turn gray and it’s not too long before we’re right back where we were. True Sobriety and serenity comes with true recovery.
What I’m saying is that Pink Cloud is a wonderful feeling but the ONLY way you will continue to feel that way is if you continue the fight.
AJ Menendez, Master Male Illusionist
February 11, 2015