It still amazes me how my life continues to change for the better even during the rough patches. How following a few “suggestions” has completely turned my world around from the inside out. The simplicity of it all still astonishes me.
A little over four years ago I was a walking train wreck and today I can honestly say that I am not that person any more. I’ve been blessed with a “do over” in life and I’m trying my best to do right this time around. I’m not in control any more (not that I ever was) and I have people in my life who I know will be there for me in an instant if I start entertaining the idiotic thoughts that tend to go through my head from time to time.
I have a sponsor who, I don’t always “like” but always I love for all that’s he’s helped me through. I have sponcees whom I love to death in spite of the fact that they are a pain in my ass sometimes. They remind me of where I was and where I never want to go back to . I even have developed a strong relationship with my Higher Power whom I know saved me from myself a time or two during my dark days and whom I can always count on today.
My definition of a “blessing” is being able to appreciate the little things in life. The things that most people take for granted. A blessing is being able to be part of the human race today and having the desire and willingness to help others rather than think only of myself. A blessing is having people in my life who actually love and respect me today. The biggest blessing is the fact that I am sober today and have the tools to continue to remain so.
I used to take everyone and every thing for granted. I firmly believed that the world revolved around me. I was selfish, self centered, egotistical and manipulative to say the least. I may have cleaned up real well on the outside, but I was ugly as hell on the inside. Of course I didn’t see it that way at the time, but looking back at it with open eyes, I see it for exactly what it is.
With every day that passes I get a new chance to become better than I was the day before. I’m far from perfect…Hell, I don’t want to be. But I don’t want to be the person that I used to be ever again. When I finally leave this world, I hope that people will remember me for the things I contributed to this life and not for the hot mess that I used to be. I’ve been blessed with a new chance at life and I want to spend the rest of it enjoying it to the best of my ability. I want to remain teachable and continue to grow. I want to pass on what was so freely given to me. My life today is, if nothing else, a miracle. I’m happy, I’m at peace, I’m comfortable in my own skin, I’m alive and I’m sober. Given the extent of my madness, that IS a miracle. I haven’t been blessed with all the riches of the world, and to be honest, I don’t need to be. I’ve been blessed with serenity, peace and sobriety, that’s all I need.
October 27, 2014
AJ Menendez, Master Male Illusionist