Broad day light and I’m in such a dark place.

I don’t know one day from the next and have lost all sense of time.

My only comfort is the taste of Bourbon and the slow burn as it goes down.

I’m filled with pain, but it won’t last too much longer, another few shots and I’ll forget.


How did I get here?  I used to  have purpose in life. I used to laugh and smile….didn’t I?  I used to do a lot of things. This is too much to handle, I’ll pour another double and I’ll forget.

In a crowded room and I feel complete solitude.  I’m not living, but merely existing….Why?  Ahhhhh, there it is waiting for me like a comforting friend. One drink and it’ll all stop.  A few more and I’ll forget.

Dammit man I’m sick again!  They keep telling me I have a problem.  What the hell do they know?  I just had a few too many last night.  Why am I shaking and vomiting so uncontrollably? I know what will fix it, where the hell did I put that bottle nobody knows about?  Ahhhh there it is…..gulp, gulp, gulp….I want to forget.

Fell asleep in my chair again and I feel like shit.  I stumble to the bathroom and the sickness of the morning overwhelms me.  What the hell did I do last night??? I can’t do this any more.  Maybe I will go check out one of those meetings…..Nah, I can control this on my own.  The shakes are getting worse, my bottle, where’s my bottle???  I left it in the chair waiting for me.  As I make my way back to my chair and my bottle, I stop dead in my tracks. Who the hell is that sleeping in my chair????  Anger replaces the sickness.  As I get closer I stop again.  I’m frozen with fear, confusion and shock…..It’s me in the chair!  What the fuck is going on????   I must be dreaming.  An  even closer look shakes me to the core…..I’m sitting there with my eyes wide open…it’s a death stare.  My skin is gray and in my hand I’m gripping my bottle.  It hits me….I’m dead!  But how is this possible???  Think dammit!  Think!  Then it hits me……The bottle made me forget what was important…….MY LIFE.

October 21, 2014

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