I used to think that “blackouts” were just when you drank too much, went to sleep and couldn’t remember anything the next morning. It wasn’t until I got sober that I realized how wrong I was. I was shocked to find out that people can actually be wide awake during a blackout. They talk, cause havoc, drive and have n o memory of it at all. Have you ever been confronted by friends and family members and they tell you to what extents you went to the night before to make an ass out of yourself and you have absolutely no recollection of it whatsoever? You don’t recognize the severity of it, nor do you realize that it had to take an extreme amount of alcohol for a blackout to occure. You have entered the blackout zone. In the beginning, you laugh them off like it’s no big deal. Towards the end of my drinking career, I was blacking out all the time. It took more and more alcohol for me to get a buzz because my body had built up a tolerance for it. So I drank, more and more. Between being a binge drinker and being a blackout drunk, it made it very easy for me to live in the wonderful world of denial. It made it even easier to justify the fact that I didn’t have a problem. My attitude for the longest time was; “If I don’t remember it, then it didn’t happen.”
In I believe 2010 there was a woman driving over a bridge here in Jacksonville, Florida. In the back of the truck she had her four children. She was cut off by a woman and the truck went over the bridge killing the driver and all four children. The woman who cut the truck off kept going and was followed by someone who witnessed the accident. While she followed, she was on the phone with the Jacksonville police. She followed the woman to her home and sat and waited for the police to arrive. Turns out the woman was in the middle of a black out. When she woke up in the Duval County Jail the next morning, she had no idea where she was or why she was there. She was in pure shock when she went to court and they read off the charges to her. Can you imagine waking up one morning, finding out that you killed five people and have absolutely NO memory of it???
I’ve been sober for a few years now, and I get these flashbacks, they aren’t exactly memories, but flashbacks. It’s strange because they don’t make sense to me at all. I can only assume I’m getting bits and pieces of things that I did during a blackout. Thinks like flopping around a room like a complete idiot, plopping myself in someones lap and screaming, “I’m drunk.” thinking it was cute and funny. Streaking across the back half of the complex I used to live in because I was trashed. I can’t help but think, is it real or is it memorex? It’s not exactly the best feeling in the world. Some of the dangerous & stupid things I’ve been told I’d done while I was trashed. None of which I remember which today I find scarey.
- Dove into 4 foot a concrete pool head first.
- Don’t remember my wedding night
- Totally embarrassed not only myself, but my group and my wife and my drag father durring what as the biggest show of our career at the time.
- Pissed on my drag fathers couch
- Pissed in the corner of my home girl’s dinning room.
- Walked off with a bottle of Jack Daniels that didn’t belong to me.
- Would be extremely obnoxious and full of anger
- Walked in the middle of traffic
- Tried to throw my son out of a window
- Have had numerous “physical” fights.
I’m quite sure if I asked around, this list could go on for days. I’m sure that some instances were comical, but for the most part, they truly weren’t. I caused not only myself but those around me irreparable damage
Blackouts can be dangerous not only to you but others. They are NOT something to be taken lightly either. They may seem like they only happen once in awhile, but the more you drink, the more often they will happen. You can walk around thinking, “Oh, it’s not big deal.” but TRUST ME they actually ARE. It’s like your brain shuts down, only your body doesn’t know it. You’re running on Automatic Pilot with no knowledge of what the hell you’re doing. If you are suffering from black outs when you drink, there’s a really good chance that you have a problem you might want to look into.
October 11, 2014
AJ Menendez, Master Male Illusionist