Planning a Pity Party?

Voice of Recovery from Addiction

Planning a Pity Party?

 

My significant other left me, so I got tore up

I got fired from my job, so I got tore up.

I had a rough day, so I got tore up

He ( or she ) pissed me off, so I got tore up.

If you had my life, you’d drink to!

 

Holy hell the list can go on and on and on! As alcoholics we are always playing the victim. People are always doing wrong to us, people are always hurting us, they are always stepping on our toes and stressing us out. NONE of which is ever of our own doing.   We never do anything, we never harm anyone, we are always pure as the driven snow…..BULLSHIT!  We place the blame on others because it’s easier than accepting responsibility for our own actions.  We use people, situations and things as excuses to drink because it justifies our bad behavior (at least in our own minds) We walk around feeling sorry for ourselves because it’s easier than looking at the truth. Looking in the mirror is something we usually avoid because we don’t like the reflection looking back at us. We throw these Pity Parties and we are always the guest of honor.  Trust and believe if we don’t have a reason to get tore up, we WILL fabricate one and you can be sure it’s gonna be a doosy!

 

I’ve been through a total of four deaths (all of which were related to drugs and alcohol in one way or another) in my sobriety and as painful and stressful as they each were, the thought of picking up a bottle never entered my mind, not once.   I dealt with the death of my daughter in sobriety….did I drink?  Nope.  No matter what we go through, we will always find a reason to drink, but the truth is, no matter how bad a situation may be, NOTHING will ever get accomplished, NOTHING will ever get fixed, NOTHING will ever get better, NOTHING will ever change if we pick up that first drink.  Of course we don’t see when we are in the middle of active addiction.  To us, the bottle held all the answers, fixed all our problems.  Numbed us enough that we didn’t have to feel.  We convince ourselves that we need the bottles to cope with the world. It’s the tell all, know all solution to all our problems.  We have no clue that the bottle is going to be the end of us if we don’t stop.   We get upset and feel sorry for ourselves because our world is falling apart, yet we don’t realize it’s the bottle that’s causing it. Our troubles are always caused by other people or by other reasons, that truly is what we convince ourselves. As long as we continue to live in that world, we’re not living at all, we’re merely existing and doing a shitty job at it on top of it all.  Nothing is going to change unless something changes and in order for that to happen, we have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. When the pain of today is greater than the fear of tomorrow. When we are finally broken.  Then and only then will we find the humility to ask for help.

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