So you think you’re special….
“I don’t have a problem.”
“I can do this on my own”
“I don’t drink every day, so I don’t have a problem.”
“I only black out once in awhile.”
“I can’t have fun without getting trashed”
“Everyone else does it.”
“I can quit any time I want.”
“I’m not like those people, I can handle it.”
“My problem is with drugs, so I can drink all I want.”
“I still have my job and worldly possessions.”
“My spouse hasn’t left me.”
“I may be an alcoholic, but I’m a functioning alcoholic.” (News Flash, there’s no such thing!)
At some point in time, all but one of those excuses came out of my mouth on more than one occasion. I thought I was special. I was totally under control. The sad part was, not only was I NOT in control of my drinking by any stretch of the imagination, nor was I in control of the madness that followed.
Let me keep it real with you, NOBODY is exempt from alcoholism or addiction. It can hit anyone at any time and there’s nothing we can do about it. If you’re an addict, than you ARE an alcoholic in training, one WILL lead to the other eventually. If people are constantly telling you that you have a problem, or they are bitching about your behavior when you are drinking, then chances are you DO have a problem. None of us are special when it comes to addiction of any kind. I’ve been blessed to have been sober a little over four years now, and I’m NOT exempt from falling off the wagon. There is NO cure for alcoholism or addiction. We can’t cure ourselves, but we CAN live normal lives WITH HELP! Thinking that you’re special is nothing more than pure denial. Point blank. The longer you live in Denial, the closer your chances become that you will continue to sign your own death certificate.
I wasted well over 20 years living in that same denial. I swore up and down I had it under control and people we talking crazy when they said I had a problem. Truth was, I didn’t have an ounce of control. The alcohol and the drugs had control of me the whole, entire time. Nobody wants to admit they have a problem, they always want to think that they are that one special person. Yeah, not so much, in fact, not at all. Alcohol took away my ability to be a thoughtful, compassionate, tolerable human being. It took away my ability to be a good parent, my ability to determine the difference between right and wrong. It had me blinded to so many things in life. It fed my ego and made me unbearable to most and even in a room packed with people, alcohol isolated me. Of course I didn’t see any of that at the time, but truth is, that’s exactly what it did.. I can’t speak for anyone else other than myself. I speak only out of my own personal experience, but the more time I spent in recovery, I realized that I was NOT special, nor was I alone in the ways that alcoholism drained my very spirit.
Everyone who truly has the desire and willingness to seek help in recovery does get through it. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly but they do get through it IF they really want to. If you’re reading this, and at any point what you’re reading touches a nerve, you may want to ask yourself “Why” Could it be there may be some truth to something I’ve said that has made you think even if you don’t really want to? If that’s the case, that’s fine. Everyone hits a bottom sooner or later. Unfortunately some bottoms end in death. I’m only here to provide my own courage, strength and hope. In addition, I try to be as informative as I can possibly be in the hopes to help another human being who may be struggling. Truth is you can take it or leave it, it’s your choice. However comma, if you do have a problem (whether self admitted or not) just know that you’re NOT special and can’t do it on your own in spite of what you may convince yourself. The way an alcoholic thinks is exactly what got us where we ended up. Thinking we’re special, thinking we’re exempt, thinking it’s all about us. We’re not and it’s not. You may think asking for help makes you weak….I did. Truth of the matter is, asking for and accepting help makes you stronger than you’ll ever realize. Doing nothing is what makes you weak. Just food for thought……
October 8, 2014
AJ Menendez, Master Male Illusionist