Reality Check 101
First comes the welcoming sound of the cracking open the sound of the bottle. It’s a sound that awakens every part of our being. You could be in a loud crowed room, but that sound is all you hear. You’re filled with anticipation that just seems to take over. You know what’s coming next and the excitement continues to build. It doesn’t matter if you pour it in a glass or take it straight to the head, the result is always the same. You rise that drink to your lips, the smell is as inviting to you as a bed of roses. You then proceed further holding your breath with every blissful second. Once it’s passed your lips, the taste hits your palate. You close your eyes and savor the taste for what seems like forever. In reality, it’s only a few seconds. Then you swallow. It burns as it goes down your throat and into your stomach but it’s a good burn, then you finally exhale. There’s a very small part of you that may think, “Oh what have I done?” Yet it’s too late, the taste in the back of your throat has completely taken over any possible chances of reasonable thought. When you’re an alcoholic, all it takes is ONE drink and you’re a goner. Justifications, denial and obsession consumes you and how easily you forget the damage you’re causing yourself as well as others. Nothing matters. You have gone back to seeing things in nothing but black and gray. In order to push any feelings of guilt down further into your subconscious, you have another and another until the feelings are gone.
The next thing you know you’re back in the pits of hell with no hope in sight. You find yourself feeling lost, alone and defeated. So what do you do? Have another drink. That will take away the pain and make everything better right?? NOT! But you are truly convinced that it will, so that’s what you do. To lie becomes second nature to you and it gets so bad, you actually believe your own lies. You no longer can distinguish the difference between the lies and the truth. It’s a vicious cycle that you can’t get off of. You’ll have brief moments of clarity when you’ll say enough is enough, but the thought of facing the reality of admitting you have a problem will cause you to go back to what you know when having to deal with reality. You drink to put it behind you. Before you know it, you can’t seem to function or make a decision without the help of the bottle. You will justify your actions, make a thousand excuses and continue your behavior. You will become a walking tornado that destroys everything in it’s path. Even then, denial will continue to blind you to the truth. You don’t know why you do what you do, but you continue to do it in spite of the guilt you may feel as a result of it all. You start to realize that even in a room full of people, you feel completely alone. People have started to distance themselves from you. You don’t recognize the person looking back at you in the mirror, nor do you like what you see. Yet you ignore it more and more with every drink. You start to notice it takes more and more in order to get a buz and you begin to experience black outs. Yet you STILL continue to live in denial. Everyone is telling you that you need to stop, you’re drinking too much, you’re out of control. But there it is, that fear, denial and ego telling you that they are full of it, you don’t have a problem, you have everything under control. You may wake up with the shakes that won’t stop until you get a drink in your system yet you STILL can’t see it as a problem. Maybe you’ve found yourself having legal problems, you’ve lost your job or have been banned by your family. YET YOU STILL insist you don’t have a problem. No matter what you’re feeling, you know another drink will solve all your problems.
If any of this sounds remotely familiar, NEWS FLASH…..chances are, you’re an alcoholic. You are the only one who can diagnose yourself. Others may think it, but it’s YOU who has to realize it, accept it and deal with it. The good news is, no matter how far down the road to destruction you’e gone, no matter how bad things may be, there IS a way out and your life can get better. At this point you may be wondering “how” is that even possible? Usually by the time we even start to fathom we have a problem, stopping seems impossible and pointless. Well, here’s a secret…”HOW” is exactly how you can do it. Confused? Allow me to explain:
H = Honesty
O = Open-mindedness
W = Willingness
There are many forms of recovery, pick one, and do it. You’re not alone. There are millions and millions of people out there who have gone through the devastation of alcoholism and addiction and they made it. They are living sober and happy lives. You must get sick and tired of being sick and tired. You must hit a bottom that forces you to realize you can’t live like that anymore. Then and ONLY then will you begin to heal. You must do it for YOU. You can’t do it for your wife, your husband, your family or your kids. YOU have to be the sole reason to seek recovery.
October 2, 2014
AJ Menendez, Master Male Illusionist