My sponsor has to keep reminding me that the worst thing another human can do to you, is turn out NOT to be the person you thought they were. This is a lesson that I have yet to master, but am working on it more and more, day by day. Being sober does NOT mean I have the market on this particular subject, or any other subject for that matter. I recently got a very harsh lesson on this subject and it all boils down to “Acceptance” I get lost in who “think” people are, or who I“think” they should be and am easily blinded by the truth. Then when the gates of reality open, I’m either hurt, angry disappointed or all of the above.
Acceptance truly IS the key, and most of the time, it’s not as difficult as some may think. But every now and then, you get hit with a situation that although you know you must accept it, it’s difficult to actually do it. I suffered from this problem all weekend and it took my sponsor and my brother to bring me back to reality
Our very first problem is to ACCEPT our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as THEY are. This is to try to adopt a realistic humility without which, no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives.
As Bill See’s it, pg.44
Although we would like to think that people should be a certain way, situations should go the way we believe they should go and things should happen the way we would like them to, the fact is they usually don’t and we wind up all twisted up about it. If you’re in a relationship with a drunk or a dope head, don’t “expect” them to get clean and sober just because you want them to….If you’re in an abusive relationship, don’t “expect” them to stop beating on you when they say, “I’m sorry, it’ll never happen again.” Don’t always “expect” the next person to do the next right thing. If you know someone is a liar and a thief, don’t “expect” them to chance their ways just because you want them to, Don’t “expect” family members to do the right thing just because they are members of your family….If you go to jail for some kind of offense, don’t be surprised that you were caught then get angry at the world because of it…You put yourself there. These are just a few examples, I could go on and on. Fact of the matter is, “Expectations are premeditated resentments ” you can get yourself all twisted up, or you can ACCEPT things for what / who they are and move on. Of course, it’s YOUR choice.