Why I do what I do…..
I wake up every morning and thank God that I’m alive and sober….seriously, I REALLY do. At some point every day, I sit in front of my computer, hands on the keyboard and wonder how I can make it clear to people how very dangerous this disease is. I see sooooo many “youngins” these days who are living dangerously with the alcohol and the drugs. I see with my own eyes, what other’s saw in me during my addiction. I see them walking down that path and I just want to shake the hell out of them! I know full well that I can’t, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch.
Not everyone who drinks and parties heavy IS an alcoholic, but they “could” be in time. Unless you know the signs. Ya know, when you live in a fog for decades and the fog is finally lifted, you tend to see the world completely different. Most of what I see are good things, things I used to take for granted. At the same time, I recognize the signs in other people, I see the danger they are putting themselves in and my heart aches. I can’t save the world, and I can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. All I can try to do is lead by example. Stay sober, continue doing what I’m doing and hope that if I can help at least ONE person, then I’m good. It is for that reason among many other’s that I choose not to maintain my anonymity. I made my disease and all that it entailed very apparent, so I chose to share my journey in sobriety. I’m not looking for attention, recognition or to become a role model. None of that means anything to me. My ONLY desire
is to bring awareness and my willingness to help is very genuine. It took a lot of people including but not limited to an amazing sponsor to help me get back on the right path. I did not get here alone. Now that I’m healthy both spiritually as well as mentally, it’s important for me to pay it forward…to give back what was so freely given to me. There are A LOT of misconceptions on alcoholism and addiction, most of which I believed to be true once upon a time. Sharing my personal experiences might help clear up some of those misconceptions. That’s my goal. I don’t judge anyone who partakes in the extracurricular activities, everyone has a right to do as they please. I’m merely trying to help those who may think they have a problem or knows someone who does. The alcoholism and addiction rate grows more and more with every year. We are loosing people as a direct result of the disease more and more every day.
I PROMISE you the things I share are NOT exaggerations on my part. I truly was a walking tornado that destroyed everything and everyone in my path. In the end, to say I was a hot mess would be the worlds biggest understatement. There are dozens and dozens of people who can testify to that fact…LOL Most people who suffer from this disease, are blind to it themselves even if everyone around them can see it. That’s normal. My goal is to bring awareness, nothing more, nothing less. I make myself available to those who need it. I was given a second chance, I spent many years being self centered, selfish and egotistical. Now it’s time for me to shift gears and do the right thing.
Alcohol ruled my life for over two decades. It ruled everything I did, everything I said and beat me to the core. I argued and protested to everyone who tried to bring it to my attention. I fought it with everything I had. It just about defeated me in the long run. In my sobriety, it was as if I had awaken from a near death coma. I see where I went wrong and I’m determined not to make the same mistakes again. I can’t in all honesty tell you I will NEVER drink again, I can however, promise you that I will do whatever I need to in order to insure I’ll not go back in that direction. I know first hand the struggle with this disease. I know it’s a fight that no one can win on their own and I know that it can and will kill every chance it gets. By my writing these blogs, I hope to get enough awareness out there that a few less people will have to go through what I went through.