Addiction doesn’t go away in time….
Almost every alcoholic (and addict) at one point or another, thinks that after quite a bit of sobriety, they could handle “just one” They think they got it under control and they can drink like a “normal person” Trust me, it happens to every one of us at some point. (I’m no different) The truth of the matter is, once our obsession to drink is gone, we don’t run away from the bottle, nor do we run towards it, but we are STILL and ALWAYS will be alcoholics. No matter how much sobriety time you may have under your belt, once you take that first drink, it won’t be too long before you’re right back where you were when you quit. You will pick up right where you left off, only this time, you’ll be more out of control than you were before.
If you think you’re different, than go ahead and try it….let me know how it works out for you. In addition to the the tools that I’ve been given to help me stay sober, I hold onto the fear of what I KNOW will happen to me if I test that theory. See, I didn’t drink like a normal person, I drank to get drunk, Jim Beam, Jack Daniel’s and Jose Cuervo were three of my favorite men and it wasn’t nothing for me to drink almost a gallon of them at a time. (in addition to Vodka and Rum) Knowing what I know now and after not drinking for almost four years, there is one thing that I am certain of without a doubt. 1) I definitely have another relapse in me somewhere and 2) I don’t have another recovery. If I pick up where I left off, I will surely drink myself to death. THAT is not an option for me. That very first drink will surely sign my death warrant.
In the time that I’ve been sober, I’ve lost three people close to me as a direct result to the effects of alcoholism. When my time comes, no matter what does me in, I’m gonna do my damnedest to make sure that it’s not alcohol that kills me. I can not, in all honesty say that I will NEVER drink again. I can however, work at it on a daily basis to make sure that I don’t. My life has become one that I am happy and proud to live and I have no desire to go back to that person I was just to prove I can handle it. I KNOW I can’t, and I know I NEVER will be able to.
Alcoholism and addiction ARE definitely “Life Sentences” I’m gonna be an alcoholic till the day I die. Hopefully, I’ll be an alcoholic in active recovery when that time comes. It doesn’t have to be a “death sentence.” A sober life isn’t boring as some might think. If you feel you MUST go out and get tossed in order to have a good time, than you may want to stop and wonder why. Where is the fun in the black outs? Waking up in strange places including but not limited to Jail or a hospital? Repeatedly having your face buried in a toilet due to uncontrollable vomiting???? Or maybe you wake up with your clothes soaked in urine and you’ve been laying in your own vomit. Where is the fun in all that?? It may come as a shock to you if you’re reading this and didn’t know me back in the day, but I’ve done all of the above and much more. I would laugh it off, and then when nobody was around, I’d feel shame and disgust in myself.
Yes, I am a die hard, live or die alcoholic, but it wasn’t until I hit my bottom and got sober that I found out what it truly means to “live” Had I not, I’d still be drunk, miserable or dead right now. I know without a doubt that I’m always going to be an alcoholic, it’s never going to go away and I accept that every day. I have to if I want to live. Do I still think about having “Just one?” Sure I do, it doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. Is taking the chance worth losing my family and quite possibly my life? Maybe it was at one point when I was in the mist of my addiction, but today, it’s not an option.
If you get to the point where you think to yourself, “I got this.” pause and think about it because you’re headed down a very dangerous road.