Our actions affect others more than we think
Very seldom do we alcoholics & addicts ever think about the carnage we are doing to those who love us the most. We walk around with these grandiose attitudes that the world owes us, and that we’re not hurting anyone. We justify our actions to make sense only in our own minds. Such as, “Yes, I stole that from her, but she never wore it anyway and it was just sitting there.” Or “ How dare she kick me out of my own house, so what if I cheated on her and never came home. If she stopped pissing me off, maybe I wouldn’t do it.” The list can go on and on.
The truth is, during our addictions, the people in our lives suffer just as much if not more than we do. About a year into my sobriety, my wife and I were watching a movie. There was a guy who was trashed and acting like a complete fool. In a jokingly manor, I asked her, “Do you miss any of it??” I expected her to say “No” right away. When she didn’t, I was quite taken back. She had to think about it which I have to admit, upset me. Then in a very calm and serious voice she said, “I don’t know what to do with myself, because I don’t have to take care of you any more.” It wasn’t until that moment that I realized how very much she did for me and the garbage she put up with in my addiction. She used to take my contacts out when I was too drunk to do it and put me to bed, she’d clean me up if I’d gotten so drunk that I pissed my pants (I’d done that several times) She was the one who made excuses for me when I would get embarrassing and act the fool. Again, the list goes on and on. She had to take care of me like a parent would take care of a child. I was completely unable to manage myself as long as I had the bottle in hand.
We drag our families and loved ones through the pits of hell right along with us, yet we either don’t realize it, or we don’t care at the time. As time goes on, sooner or later, they will get tired of cleaning up our messes. They get tired of not being able to live their own lives because they are too busy taking care of us. News Flash, they don’t owe us that luxury. They have a right to live happy lives just like everyone else. They don’t have to pay our bills, bail us out of jail, take care of our kids or pay for our defense attorneys when we screw up time after time. Our kids should not have to wonder why we are never there for them, see us passed out or see us in a drunken rage. They shouldn’t be too embarrassed to bring their friends home because you’re always trashed either. What we do to our families and loved ones is not fair. Unfortunately, to us, nothing matters but that bottle. It becomes our everything and everyone gets shoved aside. The words “I’m sorry” coming from an alcoholic or addict has absolutely no meaning whatsoever and after awhile, those words fall on deaf ears. Then we get mad because we’re THAT selfish and self centered!!!
It doesn’t have to be that way. Sobriety allows us to grow up into responsible adults. In my time in sobriety, I’ve become a partner to my wife. I no longer take her for granted and I’m in the relationship 100%. Had I not gotten sober when I did, my wife, who is very passive, understanding and a caring soul had already made up her mind to leave me because she couldn’t take it any more. By the Grace of God, I pulled my head out of my rear end just in time.
Just some food for thought……
May 30, 2014
AJ Menendez, Master Male Illusionist