I don’t drink every day, so I can’t be an alcoholic……..
I can’t tell you how many times those thoughts ran through my head. I’m what they call a binge drinker….I didn’t drink every day, but when I did, I couldn’t stop. My perception of an alcoholic was someone who was drinking out of paper bags, sitting on street corners outside the stores reeking of booze and begging for money. They would drink rubbing alcohol if they couldn’t get the real thing, they got the shakes in the mornings until such time the alcohol hit their systems. They were completely out of control. That wasn’t me….I still had my home, my job, I had friends and a beautiful wife. I grew up around alcoholics, my brother, I am proud to say has been sober 14 years now…So I knew what alcoholism looked like, and it wasn’t me…….
I remember about three years before I got sober, I called my brother up. I’d been suffering from “Black outs” a lot more frequently, and I found myself wondering if it was “normal” LMAO With a gallon of rum in one hand and my cell in the other, I called him up and asked him if “Having more black outs than usual” was something I should be concerned about” The fact that I actually not only asked that question, but was dead serious about it should have told me there was a problem…There is no such thing as a “Normal” amount of blackouts, if you’re drinking to that point, it’s a problem!!! LMAO My brother was very understanding about it. My brother advised me accordingly and when I hung up the phone, bottle of rum still in hand, I thought to myself…”Nah, I don’t have a problem, I’ll just slow it down.” I finished the gallon of rum following that conversation and didn’t come to realize that I really did have a problem for another three years.
I didn’t drink everyday, but when I did, it was in EPIC proportions and I didn’t drink light. “Jim, Jack & Jose” were three of my favorite men, and I played with them repeatedly! It didn’t occur to me that it was no big deal for me to drink a GALLON of alcohol by myself and it would take half of that gallon to even get me handsomely buzzed because my little body had built up such a tolerance to the booze, that it continued to take more and more of it in order for me to achieve the feeling I wanted. Nah, I wasn’t an alcoholic!!!! Alcoholism, like any addiction, is progressive and 99% of the time, we don’t see that progression..everyone around us might, but we surely don’t.
It only takes ONE drink to get the ball rolling. I had made a half ass attempt to make everyone around me happy and quit drinking. I had been sober for forty-four days prior to my last drunk. It was July 17, 2010, I drank a glass that belonged to my 18 year old son which I thought was nothing more than soda because I WATCHED him pour it. I drank about three quarters of it before I realized it was “Hunch Punch” Shortly there after, someone gave me a shot…my last recollection before going on a NINE hour binge was having a shot in my hand and literally arguing with myself that I was not an alcoholic and I can put the shot down…..I put it down alright….STRAIGHT DOWN MY THROAT! I don’t remember anything after that and saw a video tape of that last drunk the next day. Between remembering the struggle with not being able to put that shot down the night before, and seeing the video the next day, any denial I had left me, went right down the drain…. Dammit man…I REALLY WAS an alcoholic!
If you don’t drink every day yet you struggle with stopping once you start, you may be a binge drinker which IS a type of alcoholism. If you are questioning your drinking habits than you may want to investigate further. LISTEN to that inner part of you before it’s too late. LISTEN to the people around you. There are warning signs, PAY ATTENTION to them. The sooner you acknowledge and accept that you have a problem, the sooner you can be on the road to recovery.