Okay, let’s keep it real shall we?? I was what they call a “Binge” drinker…meaning I didn’t drink every single day, but when I did, I was totally out of control after that first drink. I was also a “Black out” drunk and for many many years, my attitude was “If I don’t remember it, then it didn’t happen” These excuses made it very easy for me to remain in denial. “Well, I CAN”T be an alcoholic because I don’t drink every day, I don’t get the shakes in the morning, and I haven’t lost anything.” or “I just had a few last night and I don’t know why I can’t remember anything, but I couldn’t have been that bad, they are just exaggerating to make it seem worse than it is..” That was my life and just two of my excuses for more than half my life.
FACT: Alcoholics and Addicts ARE the BIGGEST liars, manipulators and excuse makers on Earth. We will do and say anything to maintain our addictions and we lie so very convincingly, that we start to believe out own shit. Are these well tuned skills something we are proud of? No, not at all, but it is the truth. We lie about how much and how often we drink or use, we manipulate others to get what we want in order for us to maintain our addictions and the more we do it, the better we get at it. We come up with extreme and illiterate excuses as to why we do what we do as well. Just a few examples;
- “If you had my life, you’d get drunk to.”
- My wife / husband left me so I got drunk & high
- I lost my job so I got drunk & high
- I got angry and needed to get drunk & high
- I had an extremely bad day so I got drunk & high
- I got bad news today so I had to get drunk and high
- My 9th cousin, twice removed on my father’s side whom I’ve never met passed away so I had to get drunk and high
- I had a death of someone important to me, so I got drunk or high
- My car broke down so I got drunk or high
- I fought with my spouse so I got drunk & high
Look, the list of excuses can go on and on and on and on….we can get pretty imaginative when it comes to coming up with excuses as to why we do what we do but the truth is, that’s all they are….Bullshit excuses! We get drunk and high because we want to. Point blank. The excuses we make up are just to justify our actions no only to others, but in our own minds as well. The truth is, we do NOT have to get trashed over every little thing…I personally have dealt with the death of a child in my sobriety and DIDN’T get drunk, I’ve dealt with many other losses in my live while in sobriety and DIDN’T get drunk. These are things that normally would have pushed me over the edge and would have caused me to not only get drunk, but STAY that way. And I didn’t. I’m not special or any different than any other alcoholic or addict on earth, God did not sprinkle miracle dust on me and instantly cure me. I worked very hard in my own sobriety to maintain it no matter what was going on in my life. Did I want to drink during those times??? Yes, but I knew that (A) it wouldn’t have changed anything and (B) It would make a bad situation worse. I played the tape all the way through in my brain…I didn’t just think about how good it would feel to numb myself out to the world, I thought about the CONSEQUENCES that would follow afterward. Was it easy??? Hell no! But it was necessary. Look, I can’t speak for anyone other than myself, but I know if I allow myself to go back out, it will be the end of me. My drinking and using IS a life or death situation. I binge to such extremes and I’m honestly surprised that I haven’t dropped dead yet. I was given a second chance and I’m not gonna blow it. I don’t have to search for the answers in a bottle anymore because I’m clear headed enough to know that I’m not gonna find them there. Not everyone attends the 12 step meetings available, but I do. I find them to be helpful, sportive and encouraging. There are other programs out there and each person must find what works for them. HOWEVER COMMA….no matter what your method of sobriety may be…we are all universal in the sense that our addictions are all the same. We ALL make excuses and unless the excuses stop, neither will you.
AJ Menendez, Master Male Illusionist
April 29, 2014